Hi blog world! Today marks one month (31 days!!!) until Nathan and I’s wedding! It seems like yesterday the countdown said 220 days, and I thought I’d never make it—the months have flown by. So many wonderful, beautiful things have happened since then. Friends married, friends engaged, friends pregnant… And there have been some hard things as well, but they’re overshadowed by blessings.
I have been basking in the glow of the “in love” feeling that intensifies every day, hour, and minute. I recently purchased a computer with a webcam, so I can now talk “face-to-face” with Nathan… which is easier and harder on my heart at the same time (the distance dichotomy). In some ways, engagement is like junior high—you just get through it and keep your eyes on the horizon (high school). But I’ll be honest, I don’t like to live my life like that. I don’t want to “just get through” any part, because that attitude ignores the gift of each day that God gives. I don’t believe God gives us any season that is meant for one to simply grin and bear it, waiting only for it to be over. I have tried to keep my eyes open for the blessings, so that I am not like the wicked that the prophet describes (Jeremiah 17:5-8).
Patience, waiting, and trust. If I could use a search feature on my journal, these would probably have the most hits from recent months. I have learned that it is not beyond the goodness of God to teach me to wait, nor to teach me to be patient. It takes an incredible amount of trust (actually a divine amount) to believe God when my heart is telling me something else. And daily I’ve been reminded that my heart, above all else, is deceitful (Jer. 17:9).
Love is incredible. And to be loved is the best feeling in the world. Part of my testimony is my struggle to walk in the love of God, but being in this relationship with Nathan has done so much to teach me to accept love. His love for me gives me a glimpse of God’s love for me. It is strong, it is sincere and safe. It is like 1 Corinthians says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (v.4-7)" Nathan’s love for me reminds me that God does not hold up a list of the times I’ve offended him when I come to God for mercy. Instead, God draws me close and wipes the tears from my eyes.
Reflecting on these things reminds me that no time is unfruitful—even being engaged—if I am willing to search for the blessings and ask God to teach me.