The Joy of Perseverance

(You'll probably notice that I'm being vague in this post, and I want you to know that it's intentional.  The issues I'm dealing with aren't public at this time, but that doesn't mean I can't share what I'm learning through them.)

The past seven months have been difficult for me.  I've wanted to say that this struggle has been amazing, and that I see myself being refined in the fire--that I see the purpose in all of this.  But I have had no words.  I have wanted to share the joy of victories and triumph, but that hasn't been my story.

(c) Infrogmation on Wikimedia Commons

But what I do know is this:  the struggles in this life remind me that this world is not my home.

I can find joy in that.  You may say that I should be rejoicing in so many more things; I am so blessed!  But sometimes in the midst of a struggle, you feel like it's all you can do to keep one foot going in front of the other.  Perseverance.

And in the middle of all of my frustrations, doubts, and questions, I hear this:

"When completeness comes, what is in part disappears... for now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

1 Corinthians 13:10,12

This is the joy of perseverance.

Today, I'm staring in a foggy mirror and wondering why it has to be this way.  But it won't always be this way, and that's how I can find joy right here, right now.

Battling Negativity

Yesterday, I was having a total bummer of a day.  Nothing was going right.  I. was. so. frustrated.  I ugly-cried.  (You know what I mean.)  And you know who wasn't helping me out?

Me.

I say the meanest things to myself.  And sometimes I don't even realize it.  So, yesterday I started doing something that did help me out.  (And I thought I'd share it, because maybe you guys are mean to yourselves sometimes, too.)

When I start saying to myself, "This is so frustrating.  I can't do anything right.  What is my problem!?" I rephrase it to sound like someone else is saying it to me.  Like this:

"You are so frustrating.  You can't do anything right.  What is your problem!?"

Yikes.

I wouldn't let someone else say that to me... so why do I say it to myself?  Am-I-right?  Rephrasing my negative self-talk helps me see how mean I really am being to myself, and gives me a chance to look at the issue realistically.  It gives me the chance to say, "Yes, sometimes situations don't go my way and they are frustrating, but I do many things right every day, and some situations are out of my control.  There's no use beating myself up about them."  Yay!  So much better, right?

I hope you found some encouragement in this!

Words

I just heard this song and it blew me away.  I have no idea if Train is cool anymore or not (my dear brother, if you're reading this, I'm sorry), but I think they released an album recently, which means there's a chance.

Train
Words lyrics

Songwriters: MONAHAN, PAT / BECKER, JERRY / MALDONADO, LUIS

I'd give anything but I won't give up on you
I'd say anything, but not goodbye
I will run with your changes and I'm always on your side
And there's not a word I've ever heard that would make me change my mind

Words they'll try to shake you
Don't let them break you
Or stop your world from turning
When words keep you from feeling good
Use them as I would and let them burn

Like stones in your pocket people try to wear you down
Someone always wants to take the love you've found
So let's runs with these changes and I want you by my side
And there's not a word I've ever heard that would make me change my mind

Words they'll try to shake you
Don't let them break you
Or stop your world from turning
When words keep you from feeling good
Use them as I would and let them burn

Let them burn
Let them burn
Underneath every word somebody's heart been broken
With or without words we try to forget

Words they'll try to shake us
Don't let them break us
Or stop our world from turning
When words keep you from feeling good
Use them as I would and let them burn

Words they'll try to shake you
Don't let them break you
Or stop your world, stop your world from turning
When words keep you from feeling good
Use them as I would and let them burn

Let them burn
Let them burn

© EMI Music Publishing

A Non-Denominational Christian's Thoughts on LDS and the Election

My parents taught me that an honest question deserves a well thought-out and thorough answer.  As the child-full-of-questions, they carefully explained life, the universe, and everything when I asked (even when they were to the point of exasperation).  Gosh, I'm thankful for their example.

My friend recently posted the following on Facebook (here's the link: http://www.lds.org/new-era/2011/08/the-only-true-and-living-church):

And I told him I would give him my response.  So, without further ado...

I think what you're asking is, "Why do Christians support Romney when he doesn't believe most Christians are part of the 'true church'?"  Completely legitimate question, but let's start with some background.

What do I think about Mormon's Exclusive "Church"?
Though Mormons believe they are Christians, most Protestants and Non-Denominational (e.g. "Bible" churches) Christians don't believe they are.  Protestants and Non-Denoms believe that one becomes a Christian by faith alone (believing that God/Jesus is who he says he is and did what he said he did), while Mormons believe that works are also a part of becoming a Christian.  This is obviously a broad-stroke picture, but the point is that they don't agree with traditional Christians.

Mormon theology is based on the Holy Bible and the Book of Mormon.  Protestants and Non-Denoms (and probably Catholics, but I'm not certain) don't use the Book of Mormon because it doesn't meet the requirements for the Biblical canon.  As you probably know, there are a lot of gospels (think "The DaVinci Code"), but only some are part of scripture.  Some of the requirements are the following:  that they should be primary sources, written close to when the events happened, and verified by the rest of scripture.  Some problems with Joseph Smith's revelations are that they were to one man (privately), much later than the rest of scripture, and they contradicted the other parts of scripture.  (There's a lot more on this in the book The Case for Christ by Strobel.)

With all of that said, I don't see why there couldn't be Christians who are Mormon.  It would be silly to think that every person adheres perfectly to every tenet of their denomination.  I think it's very likely, given that they have the same Bible that I do, that some Mormons have the same saving faith that I have.  I'm not in any sort of position to say that specific people are or are not Christians; God and the person are the only ones certain of the state of a person's soul.

So, if a person believes in Jesus' saving work on the cross, then I believe they are part of the Church (universal).  If they think that I'm not part of the Church since I don't go to their LDS church, then I think they are misled.  But, knowing who is and who isn't part of the Church isn't a requirement for salvation, so it's not essential.

What does the responsible Christian do if they don't (spiritually) agree with either candidate?
So Romney doesn't think that I'm a Christian.  Well, I suppose that doesn't matter so much to me.  I disagree with both candidates on different (Christian) issues; neither lines up perfectly with my theology (and I doubt any candidate ever will... unless I ran for president... Lord, help us all).

The responsible Christian will consider the issues most important to him or her and then find the candidate that most aligns with those issues.  Honestly, you could substitute "American" with "Christian" in the last sentence, because the general principle is the same, even if the issues are different.  I think it's less about rooting for someone on your "team" and more about finding someone who you agree with.  We get so caught up with labels (and I do think that labels are helpful in some situations), that sometimes we can miss glaring discrepancies.  It's important to know the facts.  It's also important to know what you believe and why you believe it.  This is what my friend was getting at (I think), and I agree with him (and I say "way to go" for holding me accountable).  You know who you are -- thank you.

EDIT:  I suppose the main idea here is that I'm voting for my president, not my pastor (an important distinction).  America's not a Christian nation, and so I don't expect the president to play the pastor role.

Rescue

Source:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/sdasmarchives/6692087047/

This morning I heard God say to my heart, "There is nowhere that I will not go to rescue you."

Be encouraged.

God never gives up on us.  Ever.

To my Teenage Self

Moving back to the place that I grew up calling "home" has been surreal.  Hundreds of faces and places bring a rush of memories--most happy, but some that still bring tears (and some that fall in both categories).  I'm nearing a quarter-century in years, but ten years ago seems like yesterday, and I feel an overwhelming thankfulness well up in my chest when I think of how far I've come.

Sometimes, I can't help but wish some things were different, and pray that others will see that I am not who I once was.  I know I can't change the past, and I'm thankful for the things I've learned from my mistakes, but if I could write a letter to my teenage self, here's what I would say:

• Keep your eyes on the horizon.  Everything looks big at first, so back away, take a deep breath, and trust that mountains are climbed step-by-step (so keep walking...).
• You are more than your looks, your brain, your choices, your wit or your charm; you are a beloved child of the Living God.  Everything else is secondary, at best.
• Don't be so hard on yourself.  Lighten up, girl!  This is just the beginning (and mistakes teach you more than perfection).
• Don't be afraid of the dreams that God has put in your heart.  Don't listen to the lies.  God will lead you.  You will push through.  Be brave and trust Him.
• Similarly, don't be afraid of the gifts God has given you.  You have much to offer.  Be gracefully confident.
• In relationships, what matters most is if you were loving.  You cannot control other people, but you have complete control over yourself.  You cannot make someone admit they hurt you, and they may never be sorry, but you still must forgive them.
• Dating is for marriage, because there's nothing "fun" about a broken heart.  Trust me.  (Oh, and gentlemen really do exist.  Sometimes, you have to wait for them to grow up.)
• Above all, follow God.  Nothing.  Else.  Matters.

On Gadgets and a Reluctant Fondness

Well, folks, I'm still living the dream up here in the big ol' R.C., trying to avoid headaches from styrene fumes (but only when I have to visit the shop and look important).

A few days ago, my work provided me with a new phone... an iPhone, to be exact.  And I chose it.  (Feel free to let out your collective *gasp*... I'll wait.)

Source:  http://www.apple.com/iphone/features/siri.html

If you've ever brought up the PC vs. Mac debate or any Apple products around me, you have probably heard my (humble?) opinion on Apple.  They're kind of like the popular girl in high school.  Everyone loves them and everything they do, and they do whatever they want.  They're beautiful, sure, but (to outsiders) annoying (at best).  (Do I sound like the jealous nerd in the corner, yet?)  To Apple's credit, their products are high quality and so it's reasonable that they are popular.  But they're not the only quality product out there (and I have a soft spot for open-source software).  I've always said I won't judge anyone who has Apple products, because they are a good choice, but it's best to be an informed consumer (and maybe not over-pay so you can have the "it" brand).

So, you may be wondering why I have an iPhone.  Legitimate question, really.  Truth is, it was between an iPhone and the crufty ol' Blackberry, and considering the things I need to do with my device, Apple was the logical choice.

And, (keep this on the D.L., ok?) I actually really like it so far.  Especially Siri.  With all the things that happen in a day, my best effort to remember something later is a total failure.  I love the "reminders", but wouldn't use them if I had to type it all out and configure it every time... Siri to the rescue!  Just tell her when or where and what it should say and she's got you covered.  Everything else on the phone I could take or leave, but Siri is incredible (and so far, no one else has been successful at a similar product--I heard S-Voice by Samsung is close, but not there yet).

There you have it, friends.  Over and out.

Living the Dream

It hit me the other day that I'm living my dream:  to graduate college and to be a design engineer.  It's incredible.  Somebody pinch me!  I'm pretty sure that just yesterday I turned 16 and this morning I graduated high school... when did college happen?  And getting married?  And getting hired full-time?  (And passing Heat Transfer?)  There were so many hard days, sometimes I wasn't sure I would make it through.

Honestly, it's not as perfect as when it was on the horizon, but that's just life.  Nothing is ever perfect, but it can still be lovely.  There are at least a million things I don't know, but I have great coworkers and a great supervisor who have been a big help (and very patient).

I'm standing here at this milestone, and I have many more dreams that I hope to see realized, but I am so thankful and all I can think to say is:

Here I raise my ebeneezer
Hither by Thy help I've come
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home


(From Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing)

Moving

It has been my experience
 that the adventure is nearly always,
worth it.

It's a good thing I was sitting down when Handsome told me the news:

"The moving company could only do it Monday.  They'll unpack on Tuesday."

I felt a thousand bricks land on my heart and saw a tidal wave of anxiety on the horizon.  My hand landed softly on my chest, and pressed hard to hold back the wave.  I sat for a moment in the stillness.

One week.

That's all I have left here.

Like a fish out of water, I forgot how to breathe for a moment, but I fought to remember that Grace held me and holds me still.  And a strange mix of excitement and sadness rose up from inside of me, swirling together like the jam I mixed into my yogurt this morning.

Then chaos and a thousand memories swept over me and I felt, for the first time, that we were leaving this place.  It is one thing to know--because I have done that for some time--but quite another to feel as I am doing now.

It's not holy ground, but it feels like it sometimes.  So much of my heart is tied here, so many memories are anchored to these buildings and walkways and trees, and there is a part of me that wonders if I'll ever return, if it will ever be the same again?

On the threshold of adventure, I know, it has to feel this way.

A grain of wheat has to fall to the ground and die, before it can realize its full potential.  So, here we go.  We leave and we let this part of our lives live on in memories, because we trust and we know that the next part is worth it.


Handsome and I will be moving close to our families, where we both have Engineering jobs (PTL!), and, hopefully, an exciting future in the next stage of our lives.

Making the Most of It

In March of 2009, I went on a study tour of Israel.  It was a 10-day trip, 7 days on the ground, hiking "the best of the lands" and being taught scripture where it happened.  In March, and basically no other time of the year, Israel is green, lush and about 70 degrees--it was beautiful!

This one's not green, I know.  It's in En Gedi, where David hid from Saul.

Well, the weather was beautiful all but one day.  The first day we were in Jerusalem in rained... and rained... and rained.  But that didn't stop us (most of us).  I was soaked to the bone and shivering... and that was all that I could think about.

Not that I was in Jerusalem (the holy city!)...

Not that I should soak this up because I may never go to Jerusalem again (please let it not be so!)...

No, all I could think about was that I was cold and wet.  All I could think about was my own personal comfort and how much I wanted to get back on the bus, better yet, back to the hotel where it was warm and dry.  (Gosh, I'm so mature...)

As I end my last semester of college, this is the story that comes to mind.  And these are the things I'm wondering:

• How much did I miss that day in Jerusalem, because my focus was off?  
• Where is my focus now and am I missing anything because of that?
• How can I make the most of the little time that I have?

With our rain gear on, touring the Church of the Nativity (Bethlehem)

May you make the most of your day, friend!

Happily Ever After

The Return of the Prodigal Son by James Joseph Jacques Tissot

Have you ever read the story of the prodigal son?  If you haven't the story goes that a man has two sons.  The younger one essentially tells his father that he wishes his father was dead and demands his inheritance.  Then he moves away and squanders his entire inheritance.  He then gets a job at a hog farm feeding the animals, barely making ends meet.  After a while, he decides to go home and beg his father for a job as a hired hand, because as least his father is kind to his servants.


His father sees the son while the son is still far away and the father runs to meet him, gives his son a big hug and kiss, and then orders his servants to prepare a big party.  Why?  He tells us, "this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."


The meaning of this story comes from its context.  It is the last of three stories in a row that Jesus told a bunch of religious teachers while having dinner with them.  The first two end with the same moral: "that's the kind of party God's angels throw every time one lost soul turns to God (Lk. 15:10 MSG)."


The story ends during the party.  What happens next?  Happily ever after, right?


We don't know, because it doesn't say.


My guess?  He hurt his father again.  I think that there's really no such thing as "happily ever after".  I know that I do a lot of stupid things, and I don't think I'm too unlike the younger son in this story.


How many times does the father forgive his son?


How many times does God, the Father, forgive me?


And God never turns me away.  He never makes me a servant, to earn back his trust and my place in his family.  No, he grabs me up in his arms and squeezes me so hard I can barely stand it, kisses my forehead and throws a big "Welcome Home" party for me.


For the hundredth time.


And He never gets tired of it.

Leadership Lesson from a Pop Quiz

When I arrived at my intersession class* this morning, the professor told us we were having a pop quiz.  He explained that there were 24 questions, 22 or above was an A, 20 or above was a B, etc., and that his goal was for all of us to get A's.  I noticed everyone tense up a bit, and I put on my game face ("You're going DOWN quiz.").

The prof handed out the quiz** and, to my delight, it was word pictures that hinted at Christmas carols!  During the six minutes given my hand flew over the page, resulting in 22 out of 24!

"Anyone with 22 or above?"  My hand and one other flew up.  "How about 20 or above?" A few more hands.  "18 or above?"  One hand.  Over half the class hadn't raised their hand.  "Are you all satisfied with your scores?  Some of you've failed.  Only two A's."  Murmers and nods showed disappointment.  "Tell you what, I'll split you all up into teams, give you a few more minutes, and maybe we can get some more A's."

My teammates helped me get the last two.  Aw, yes!  We're the best, I thought, we have them all!

After three minutes, we were the only team who had all of them.

After another three... we were still the only team.

Three more... still the only team.

"Are you satisfied with 15 out of 24?" the professor asked one of the other teams.
"We just didn't know the answers, sir.  I'm not from the U.S. and neither is he!  We don't know these songs."
"Ah, I see.  So you needed some help."

Then the prof turned to my team.  "I don't know whether to pick on the bright student or the army guy," the prof said referring to me and to one of my teammates, "What do you do when there's a man on the field who needs help?" he asked my friend.
"But, prof, they didn't ask for help!"
 "Do you wait for a soldier to ask for help?  Do you let him get killed?  No.  You go help him.  You are so stuck in your paradigms*** that you're letting others fail.  Whose team are you really on?  Who is going to be a leader?"

What did I learn?  While it may seem unlikely to me that I should be a leader, I had all of the answers to our quiz, but I couldn't see past my perceived rules to help everyone achieve the goal (to get A's).  Sometimes parts of an organization (or, dare I say, spouses in a marriage) perceive themselves as "teams" in competition against each other--they perceive rules, conventions or expectations that limit the team's productivity.  Who is going to let go of their paradigm to save the organization (marriage)?


*Introduction to Total Quality Management/Six Sigma
**A link to the actual quiz:  Christmas Song Picture Game
***We had been talking about paradigms as a major barrier to change in an organization.

Unmet Needs in Marriage

"It is very tempting to justify demands by thinking of them as needs and then to punish one another if those needs are not satisfied.  A needs-based marriage does not testify to God's glory; it is focused on personal demands competing for supremacy.  Two people, preoccupied with manipulating each other to meet needs, can drive their marriage down the path of 'irreconcilable differences.'  This is cultural language that simply acknowledges that a marriage can no longer carry the weight of demands understood as needs... The saddest part of driving down the road of unmet needs is where we end up... nowhere.  It is a forlorn, one-lane stretch of me.  All it leads to is more of me.  It's worse than a dead end--it's a circle that never ends."

from When Sinners say, "I Do", by Dave Harvey  (focus mine)

Rescue

This word has swirling around in my head for the past few days ever since I read the following story from this blog:


"Kids get grace...  McRae, my youngest daughter, reminded me of this a few months ago.  While we were leaving Chuck-e-Cheese, the only place she ever picks for our daddy/daughter dates, we heard a police siren... In the backseat, I heard McRae sigh and say, “Ohhhh, I love that sound.”
That’s a strange thing for a six year old to say, so I asked her why. Without missing a beat she said, 'Because that’s the sound of someone getting rescued.'"


That's the sound of someone getting rescued.  Seriously.  I never, ever thought of that.  And yet, I know that everyone's been somewhere that their only hope is rescue.


And, I suppose, there's someone reading this who knows exactly what that feels like.  I hope you'll listen to this song and know that it's true.  God is here to rescue you.



Who, oh Lord, could save themselves, 
Their own soul could heal? 
Our shame was deeper than the sea 
Your grace is deeper still 

You alone can rescue, You alone can save 
You alone can lift us from the grave 
You came down to find us, led us out of death 
To You alone belongs the highest praise 

You, oh Lord, have made a way 
The great divide You heal 
For when our hearts were far away 
Your love went further still 
Yes, your love goes further still 

We lift up our eyes, lift up our eyes 
You’re the Giver of Life 

Lessons from Handsome

So I had a salad for lunch today, and as I was putting my plate away I saw the tupperware of sugar cookies on the counter and thought to myself, "I'll have one of those."  As I pulled off the lid of the container and grabbed a napkin for my cookie I thought, "I eat salads for lunch so I don't feel guilty about having cookies for 'lunch dessert'."  But then I remembered Handsome's words when I had related a similar story to him, "I never feel guilty about eating food."  What?  You don't feel guilty when you have two cookies or eat all of your meal at Applebees?  This man-thought was new and intriguing, and, honestly, his words have shaped my thoughts and self-image tremendously.

I have learned many, many things from Handsome.  As a good breaking-the-2-month-blog-silence post, I want to encourage you with some of them.

1. There is no need to feel guilty about any food you eat.  Eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full.
2. You are beautiful.  Really.  Inside and out.  Believe it, embrace it.
3. All you can ever do is your best.  If it isn't good enough for someone, know that it's good enough for God, and his opinion is what matters the most.
4. You will not find joy in comparing yourself to others.  You have your own unique things to offer.
5. It's okay to be a girl in a man-dominated world.
6. You are more than your grades.  It's okay if you fail sometimes, you'll move on.
7. Accept gifts and trials from God's hand, even if it is not what you expected.
8. Never, ever complain.

September... Are You Sure??

Hi ya'll.  Handsome and I are headed to Austin this weekend to witness some covenant-making of one of my lovely Forge sisters with her soulmate. That's why I said "ya'll", I'm getting prepared.  I should probably start wearing my cowgirl boots and eating fried chicken... but I digress.

I wanted to let you know I've not dropped off the face of the earth.  In fact, I've been brewing some lovely blog-posts in my head the whole last month... but I have neglected to post them.  So, I haven't forgot about you, lovely readers.

I'm pretty sure in my mind it's still May, so I'm glad it's cooling off again.  It's still a little cool in Kansas during that time of the year... this cool weather is good for my psyche.

Time has been flying, especially now that school's started.  I've begun my victory lap with a sprint, and hope to slow down to a nice jog next spring.

Now, for a picture that makes me happy (because good blog posts have at least one relevant picture, and the best ones devote more area to pictures than text...):

Two of my favorite boys and I at a Labor Day parade!

Happy September, friends!  Please go on a walk and step on any crunchy leaves you find (just for me!)... and if you do, leave me a comment so I can share in your joy! :)

Day 22

(Full list here.)

A Picture of Something You Wish You Were Better At

We've already talked about remembering... so I'll spare you that one. (Tee hee.)  However, related to remembering is The Art of Joke-Telling.  I will laugh at just about any joke, mostly because I know (oh so well) what it feels like when you've just delivered the punch-line and your audience is still expectantly waiting for it... "Uhh... that was it guys... get it? Too-farty!!"  So... yeah.  I wish I were better at telling jokes.  Uhm.  Anyway, I don't know what sort of photo-form that comes in, so... moving on.

(Insert photo of blank stares.)

I also wish I were better at being brave.  Some of you are naturally confident, and my wish will seem incomprehensible.  Honestly, it boggles my mind, too.  So many of my confident friends have tried to talk me into being brave.  "What's so scary about it?"  "What are you waiting for?"  "What's the worst that could happen?"  I can answer those questions, and I know my fears are sometimes illogical, but it still takes all of my will-power to override my hard-wired timid nature.

The EPITOME of Brave.

The thing that helps me more than will-power is my confidence in the Lord.  I have never been comforted by being convinced that I'm nuts for being timid or afraid.  I mean, what's so comforting about someone questioning your feelings?  Logic prevailing, I still feel afraid.  But, confidence from knowing scripture and trusting that I can know God's will and obey him helps remove the feelings of fear and replace them with confidence.  Knowing that I am following the God of the Universe gives me great confidence... 'cause he's bigger than anything else I'll run into! (Cue: "God is bigger than the Boogey Man, he's bigger than Godzilla and the monsters on TV...")

Surprises and Adventurings

First of all... it's been a while, I know.  I started my internship last week (the one where I get paid to sit at a computer all day and type stuff).  And when I get home, I'm a little tired of computers... but don't worry, I miss you guys, so I'll be coming around more often, now.

Second of all, I need to say that I'm thankful for spell check.  When I was younger, I was pretty good at spelling, but now, oh my, spelling has gone out the window.  I may be better at history than I am at spelling... eeks!  (Surprises doesn't seem like it should have two "r"s, but one, since I pronounce it "suh-pryze-ehs"... phonetics, sheesh.)

Onward... check out what Handsome brought me on Sunday!

That's right, monster popsicle molds!  We saw them a couple of weeks ago at Bed, Bath and Beyond, and Handsome wanted to get them for me then, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted them or not...  but then I bugged him for the next few weeks about them.

The green one reminds me of Mike Wazowski on Monsters, Inc. (one of my favorite movies).

It was a fabulous surprise.  I made strawberry shortcake popsicles to test 'em out.


On Saturday we ventured to Tuttle Creek for some canoeing.

It had rained all week, but the sun came out on Saturday, so we did too!

Charming, eh?  He only looks threatening.  Don't let him fool you.


So, that's what we've been up to lately.  Later this week I'll continue the "30 Days" series that's going to take 4 months... oh well.

Day 21

(Full list.)

A Picture of Something You Wish You Could Forget*

This is hard, because it implies regret, and I don't let myself regret things in my life.  By the grace of God, I choose to see the benefit of everything that happens, even if the only good I can see is that God allowed it to happen**.  I've done some really embarrassing things and said some really dumb things, which have humbled me, but humility is something I need to grow in, anyway.

I think the problem for me isn't forgetting, but remembering.  Eeeks.  I forget all kinds of things--assignments, dates, NAMES (!), etc.  My mom would call me "Forgetful Fred" sometimes (I think he's a character on some TV show we used to watch).

I've developed some memory-management techniques (helped greatly by the fact that I am highly visual).  I use lists, post-its, and calendars--as long as I can see it later, I'll remember (the opposite of "out of sight, out of mind").

One summer I worked as a secretary at Pine Cove, managing 60-something people's schedules, haha.  My life was a flurry of post-it notes and checklists!!!!

See all of those post-its?

So, there it is, folks.  Nothing to forget... so many things to remember!

(Who knows, I may be the one to forget my anniversary... pray for me!)



*Not exactly.  The photo is of something that was a very good experience, and I hope to remember it all of my life!

**Referring to Romans 8:28-29, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son..."

Day 18

(Full list.)


A picture of your biggest insecurity


Shooooot.  My deepest, darkest fear set before your eyes in glaring pixels of glory.


And what to share?  What is my biggest insecurity?  Is it my need to wear mascara so my eyelashes are visible (not really, but I've told Handsome that I hope our children have his eyelashes, as they are much darker and fuller than mine)?


Seriously, though.  Sometimes I feel like I need to be impressive, to wow 'em, and to show everyone that I'm a unique, well-rounded and fully capable adult.  I feel like I need to be the best at everything.  Then, the worst part is when I believe this lie long enough that I actually start trying to be the best.  At this point, my greatest insecurity?  To be measured and found wanting.  To be unimpressive, regular, normal.  To be found out as a "faker".

I don't know if you've ever been there.  I've spent too many hours worrying about whether or not I'm impressive.  But, by the grace of God, I don't stop there.


I am loved by the God of the Universe, with a very strong love.


This reality, and the reality that I'm forgiven (see the "I Believe" tab), gives me great freedom.  The God of the Universe found me valuable enough to die for me, so that I would be healed of many things, including my insecurities.


P.S. If you didn't understand the picture, it symbolizes being measured and found lacking (aka. not what you first appeared to be, upon further investigation).